More specifically, fear of failure and fear of vulnerability. If there’s no red flags and we’re moving forward, then there’s more of a commitment to get to know them — and (*gasp*) let them get to know us.
I know tons of people who want to find the right relationship, but when an opportunity arrives, they freeze. When we’re doing it right, dating is actually really scary. It’s hard to let our walls down and let ourselves be known and loved, little by little, assuming that we’re sharing an appropriate amount of ourselves, not over-sharing. See, what we’re really asking for here is a sense of safety and security when it comes to our decisions in dating. But I think the answer to having a healthy relationship with God, ourselves, and the souls we’re privileged to get to know while dating is to choose despite those fears.
Yes, the marriage relationship is the place where many of our emotional needs should be met, but the tendency often is that husband and wife are solely focused on their spouse for every need they have.
Especially because there’s always that risk of it not working out. Maybe what Jesus asks of us is courage to choose in the midst of our uncertainty, and to take that step, one way or the other. To say no to the person who’s not leading you any closer to Christ? We need to stop hiding behind “discernment,” (and by that I mean thinking and praying without ever acting upon it) and stop expecting a lightning bolt answer to fall from the sky when it comes to dating. So here are some tips when it comes to discernment in your dating:- Pray.
Or if we’re dating someone who probably isn’t the best for us, and we know we’re settling…it feels like a failure, in a sense, to let that person go. The fear of failure, the fear of making mistakes, of doing the wrong thing — it’s okay that the fear is there. To say yes in taking the next step with the person who does? Make sure you’re seeking God above all else and your relationship with Him comes before any other relationship in your life.
Ask Him to make it perfectly clear whether to continue seeing the guy or not. When things did/do get off balance, I find that Ethan and I fight more, which makes sense, since I am expecting him to fill parts of my heart that he can’t. I actually hadn’t spent much time single UNTIL I decided to follow Jesus.
For me, this is something that I constantly have to keep in check.